9 Dec

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being jubilant and 1 being suicidal, I’m at a 3.  I’ve been there for a while.  It’s taking so much energy to keep my head above water, to remember to breathe, that trying to lose weight just isn’t on the radar.  I’m very aware of the fact that I want to maintain, and not take any steps backwards.  But primarily, I just want to get myself to a good place mentally.

And since there’s no one thing that’s happened or one event that’s triggered this, it’s hard to “fix”.  Really, there is no fix.  I’m trying to remember to take my meds regularly, cuddle with my dogs as often as I can, and get off my sofa as much as possible.

I definitely feel better after socializing, but that’s something that happens so rarely.  I work alone, I don’t leave until after dark, Foster has been working 60+ hours a week, and there’s just so much drama happening around me.  Drama and crazy schedules and it’s too much.

I’m honestly proud of myself for even thinking about the fact that I need to maintain my weight during this.  I know that things will turn around.  They always do.  (I’ve dealt with depression/anxiety on and off since I was about 12, so I know the drill.)  It’s too bad I’m the sort of person who tends to eat away depression instead of starving it away.  (Just kidding.  Sort of.)


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