Trying to make this quick!

28 Oct

I’m on a mission to be in bed (and asleep!) by 1am.  I was originally shooting for midnight, but since it’s 12:21, that’s a fail.  I’ve had long days all week, including ridiculously short stints of sleep.  I’m exhausted! Oh, and I’m a diet failure.

Not entirely, but I promise you, it ain’t been perfect around here.  (Yes, my use of horrible grammar is supposed to be cute and quirky there.)  We went to a friend’s birthday dinner tonight, at a Mexican restaurant.  Wait, let me back up… I saw a display of Full Bars at the grocery store the other day and decided to give it a shot, despite the fact that the premise is ridiculous.  (You eat this bar, then you aren’t hungry anymore!  See!  It’s so novel!  I’m gonna be a millionaire!)  I had it before the dinner, and it didn’t work.  In fact, I might have eaten more than normal.  I tried to order something that I thought would be semi-healthy.  Chicken fajita enchiladas with “Spanish sauce”, which is basically just a spicy tomato sauce, rice, and charro beans.  I ate both of the enchiladas, which is something I haven’t been doing.  I went easy on the charro beans, because they seemed to be swimming in grease.  And I had 14 chips (oh yes, I counted) and 1/2 of a cupcake in honor of the birthday girl.  So really, not that bad. Not exactly a healthy dinner of salad and water, but whatever.

As I was eating, though, I looked around the table at all three of the thin girls who were there.  They all seemed to eat about a quarter (or maybe half) of their food.  That’s it.  Meanwhile, I’m over here cleaning my plate.  And while I did wonder if they weren’t hungry or filled up on chips and salsa before we got there, I also wondered if there was something wrong with me that I was hungry enough to eat both of my enchiladas.  And then I silently scolded myself for being such a glutton.  I can’t help but think that if I were skinny and scarfing down a plate of Mexican food, I wouldn’t feel so bad.  But as someone with a weight problem, I question myself and my habits, even when I’m making an effort to be “good”.  Sure, I can blame it on the pre-dinner tortilla chips and the numerous frozen margaritas they had, but I keep coming back to the part where the other three women took home almost their entire dinners in styrofoam to-go boxes and I didn’t because mine was all gone.

And I also wonder if they noticed, and if they judged me.  Or if I’m being completely ridiculous and might as well have just had a nightmare where I’m standing at the front of a meeting in my underwear, because that’s as likely as them judging me.

Maybe someday I’ll actually bother to ask…

(It’s 12:32, by the way.  I might just make it to bed by 1am!  I think I deserve a cookie for that.*)

(*Just kidding.)

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One Response to “Trying to make this quick!”

  1. Courtney October 28, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

    More than likely, they’ve shrunk their stomachs and get full faster. It’s the chicken and the egg problem– when you don’t eat as much, your stomach shrinks and gets used to eating less, but to do so you have to go without, which makes you want to eat, and thus not shrink your stomach. Or something like that 😛

    Get some sleep! Did you know that lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain? I have the same problem, I go to bed at midnight and get up at 6am, but this is something I have to remind myself. It really can be called beauty rest!

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