Let me introduce you to my judgey side

31 Aug

I’m going to admit a little-bitty personality flaw of mine.  It’s just a tiny little problem … I can a bit, um, judgey.  (That’s my own word for it.  Makes it sound like a cutesy thing to be.)  I’m horribly judgey when it comes to people’s looks and clothes.  Maybe not in the worst ways possible, meaning I would never not be friends with someone because of how they look, but still.  I will totally rip you a new one (silently in my head) if your shoes are ugly.  And G_d bless you if you have a mullet, because I will probably point and stare.

I understand this is a problem, and something I really need to work on.  It’s on my to-do list, I promise.

I think the worst thing about my being judgey is that it extends right back around to me.  Thankfully I’ll never (purposefully) sport a mullet, as I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.  But for every harsh thing I think of someone around me, I probably have a few reserved just for moi.  And I swear, a trip to the gym sets it into overdrive.

Let’s face it, the gym is a place full of fit, skinny people.  It’s a very Alanis Morissette type of  ironic.  Tonight I ended up on a treadmill that was in the far back corner, giving me an excellent view of the club.  I saw skinny, skinny, toned, buff, skinny, and possibly-just-given-birth.  I think there was one chick at the gym who was about my size.  We were the gym chubbies.  I kept wishing I could look at my own ass while I was on the treadmill so I would know whether or not I need to bring a hoodie or something to wrap around my waist next time to cover up what likely appears to be two small animals fighting for freedom beneath my leggings.

And while I understand that it’s completely ridiculous, I really wish that a single trip to the gym would do the trick.  I slaved away for 30 minutes tonight!  I deserve some hotness, right?  I know that it doesn’t actually work that way, but I can’t express how completely unfair I think that is.  It’s unfair that I’ll have to make who knows how many horrid trips to the gym, feeling self-conscious, judging myself for not being as in shape as the people around me, feeling inferior for not being able to run as fast or as long, and for not having genetics that allow me to naturally be slim and trim.

Like I said, I know this is something to work on.  I need to focus on myself, and not the people around me.  And yes, that would include not comparing myself to those people.  In the meantime, I’ll just breathe a sigh of relief every time I find the other chubby at the gym.


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